I pity the fool that falls in love with you...

...So she's a gold-digger... just goes to show... (ah, hmmm?)... TIGGER!

Unlike my talented blogettes that have sprinkled these pages with class, decorum and roolly good england... I'm slightly less cooth. I make no apologies. I've got security and I say what the hell.

Soo... the lights are on, the stage is set, the champers are chilling, the bobby pins are diggin in, the heels are clacking, lips stained red, 13 sets of heated rollers are steaming and threatening to bring down the Rangi circuit boards, the watercress is literally being plucked fresh from a darling spring in the Waitaks and Fox 'n' West are waiting in the wings for their big debut.

The ladies are ready... ready as they will ever be and more. True there are always last minute panics, blunders, small freak outs but nothing a wee droppie and a valium won't calm. This week has seen some very hard-working people up ladders, under floors, armed with tape, drills, paintbrushes, gels, lights, headphones, mudpacks, safety pins, lists, more lists, scribbled out lists and re-written lists all dashing toward the finish line and the ultimate reward...OPENING NIGHT.

Now technical week during the gestation of a theatrical production my darlings is no short of the WEIRDEST feeling in the world... so much suddenly happens and your pretend world is instantly expanded into this blazing spotlit creation that it can be a little un-nerving - for all...experienced or fresh faced...across the generations... everyones had that moment where 'woopsies', the nerves have got the better of us and a lil bit of wee comes out. This is where I pop on that famous theatre record called "This happens in every show"... but because every experience is different... we all forget and it blindsides us - put it this way, if it DIDN'T... and there were no moments of imperfection, challenge, fear and frustration - then I'd seriously be questioning the spirit of the show.

Theatre is spectacular - the reason it is so unique and special is because it is live emotion, action, reaction - 4-D delight to the senses... written, created, performed and designed by humans - and we're not perfect darling but we are beautiful.

So I say "Cheries!!! Listen up bitches! Feel the fear and DO IT ANYWAY - because its that which makes it AWESOME".

No... I wouldn't be a philosopher's arse I know... but I do know a thing or two about how you feel in theatre... and we have something special and I am very much looking forward to seeing the sparks fly!!!

This may well be my last blog before the season is upon us - I would like to thank our devoted 3 followers (two of which contribute to this blog - hahaha!) without who this story would not be told.

I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart:
- The 13 women that are taking the stage in all their finery, flair and enthusiasm - you are all gems in the pool of light.
- The multi-taskers that are running around in a flurry of perfection with furniture, furs and screens.
- The dedicated button pushers, plugger-inners, switcher-onners, that without whom we'd look rather unflattering in a pool of fluorescent light and have to hum our own musical score - not pretty.
- The construction workers that screwed their little butts off to create the stylish boards of New York high society living.
- The devoted producer - our BFG - who's belly laugh still lifts our spirits as it has done right from the get-go.
- Our visionary, creator and director Janelley-B whose positivity, guidance, sense of humour, filthy language, support, kindness, intellect and talent has been a joy and inspiration to us all - the fact she had to stage a cat-fight rather that break up many in a cast of 13 women should go down in the Guiness Book of Records as the Eighth Wonder of the World...we wuv you Nelley...

Ladies and Gentleman, it is with immense pride and emotion I present to you, the ensemble creation that is...

"The Women"

... it has been a pleasure sharing this journey with you.

Lights...
Lippy...
Music...
Curtain...

This is New York.

Eedz...............OUT.

xoxoxox

She's Always a Woman to Me

As Billy Joel famously sang:

"She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me"

We are incredibly complicated creature, us women. And it takes one to know one. We are so loyal to one another that we will happily break up one another's marriages if it means protecting our friends from the deceptions of our male counterparts. We are closer to one another when we're single. Outwardly we will encourage each other to find our life partner but God Forbid that that partner impinge on our friendship. The minute we are shunted for a night in with the new bloke, we know that friendship as we knew it is over. Such a moment can be, for the spurned women just as intense a break up as divorce itself.

To further complicate matters, we are masters of deception. And the higher up in society we are, the more accomplished we become at it. It's essential that we present ourselves to our peers as attractive, successful and confident. For the modern woman, Facebook is a wonderful platform for this. "Look at the perfectly lit studio photo I have just uploaded! Don't I look fabulous? Check out the birthday cake I just made for my 3 year old! Aren't I a super mum?" Social media is an excellent devise for distancing our peers from the real us.

Once upon a time (not so long ago I might add) we would knock on one another's doors without the preamble of half a dozen text messages. We would catch each other unguarded. In such moments, hiding our weaknesses was not possible. We were closer.

'The Women' takes us back to those days. Though Sylvia, Crystal and co are attempting to conceal their true colours beneath the glossy veneer of High Society New York etiquette, ultimately there is little they can hide from one another. The cracks will, eventually show and Mary Haines will have to make a choice: To flee, or to beat the Bitches at their own game.

Girls, girls, calmez vous!

Hello Darlings,

Here is a new voice to give you some more titbits from behind the curtain of ‘The Women’. I am Olga the loose lipped manicurist with a penchant for jungle red nail polish, or is that Miss Watts the secretary of none other than ‘the’ Stephen Haines, or perhaps the coat and drink attendant of the exclusive Casino Club, who shall remain nameless (largely because no one knows what it is).

Yes I am all three, although Olga is the dominant personality. She has somehow ‘soaked’ into my everyday life, as has the dulcet tones of her accent (much to my horror).

So what do these three vastly different women have to say about the goings on down in the depths of The Titirangi Theatre aka the world of high society women in New York and Reno?

Well my dears the word, according to Dolly de Peyster the notorious gossip columnist, is that this society is rather more down and dirty than high and mighty!

With the rehearsing of some particularly ‘physical’ scenes on Sunday the theatre was in an uproar.

Olga, who secretly loves a good cat fight (three guesses who she’s backing), couldn’t help but overhear the screeching and caterwauling and left her client high and dry in the middle of a manicure to cheer them on.

Unlike poor Mary who had to ‘soak it’ in a bowl of freezing water during Sundays rehearsal (so sorry Katherine blame the male in our midst for that one!).

Miss Watts was disgusted at the whole thing; she simply has no time for ridiculous creatures who don’t know how good they have it. Which is a pity as it is likely that she could back slap those three cats into submission with one hand, while filing Stephen’s papers with the other.

As for the scene that unfolded over at the Casino Club, well Mike’s fiancé has seen it all while plying the patrons with drinks, drinks........and drinks and retrieving their coats. Really it doesn’t surprise her one bit to see the hair pulling and handbag whacking happening inches from her nose.

As for me, well, I was wading through a costume rehearsal. I found myself in the midst of dresses, beaded handbags, stockings, high heels, gloves and underwear literally flying in the dressing rooms. I was left wondering whether I am supposed to be filing nails, filing paperwork or handing over a coat. Maybe I will just get a drink instead (just kidding Janelle).

There is plenty of drinking on stage but is that really just water in that gin decanter?? Tipsy indeed Countess!

Yes the rehearsals are sizzling enough to heat up those cold winter nights, but who was it that yours truly heard behind the closed and locked door of a supposedly empty theatre, perhaps the racket of 16 women has upset the theatre ghost?

So if you want to know all the really juicy gossip you will just have to mosey on over to Titirangi Theatre to see The Women in all their glamour, glitz and nail scratching glory.

But in the meantime a few more words from Dolly de Peyster........Word has it that certain gorgeous young members of our cast were seen on stage in their underwear or is that just rumour?..........Is Miss Watts just devoted to her job or does she have another motivation for her frightening efficiency?........Will our bevy of beauties master treading the stage boards in totteringly high heels or will one of them trip up on more than just their lines............why did Olga get fired from her job at Saks perhaps she didn’t sell enough Summer Rain?............Will what happened in Reno stay in Reno or will secrets be spilled?......Stay tuned for more vital news from our favourite New York Females.

Air kisses; mind the lipstick and nails darlings.

SS

Undies, undies, frocks, frocks!!!

Oh my dahhhlings I am exhausted!!! Sunday was a mammoth excursion... but incredibly rewarding. It was most certainly a weekend of TRANSFORMATION!!!

I must begin with a bit of a 'sensitive' issue. Our lovely BFG - who I don't think has seen much of his family over the last few weeks and may well be heading to Reno if he's not careful (inside joke... you'll have to come to the show to appreciate the full hilarity of my wit!) - has been working his wee heinie off to get our performance space ship-shape and what a job he has done with the help of a few shiny stars - our lovely multi-tasking Trishy being one of them!!! Fresh paint, girlie screens, props and paraphenalia all adding to the slowly morphing illusion of New York high society. He is such a star... but the glory was short lived... our beloved BFG has now had to give up his status on high as our testosterone king. Yes folks, we have accumulated some more males into the mix. I'm sure though they are all aware of how the Pridelands work and who our Alpha is... and if he's messed with, there's about 16+ Lionesses ready to pounce... WE LOVE YOU BFG! And we love the new additions too, Brendan, Lee, Mark, Mac - it was quite the gathering of the clan!!!

Speaking of pouncing... I'm sure if you were enjoying the sun and Latte's darling "up-the-Rangi" on Sunday you would have been rather disturbed by the ear-drum shattering screeches and constant hyena wails of "bitch!" shuddering through the theatre fire doors... Well my dears, with a cast of 13 women did you expect it all to be tea and watercress sammies 24/7?? Don't be so naive! (I do hope you covered your littlies ears if you happened to stroll past Lopdell House around 1pm... and our sincere apologies, there's not a lot of sound-proofing when the doors are wide open to let the pre-spring chill in to cool these rabid Mamas down...)

Relax... it was just our 'cat-fight-training' - yes it's not just the Angelina's and Cameron's that get the creme-de-la-creme of stunt work...5 of our fine ladies sweat, scratched, screeched and pulled out lumps of hair for a good couple of hours yesterday under the expert guidance of "Lee" - who had muscles that looked like he definitely knew how to chorograph a stage fight... and more. Our ladies in all their glam and finery, took to the damaging dances like duckies to water... funny that! Our dear "Miriam" was true to her bitchy firey movie-star flame with her wide-eyed grin and eager "let's do it again" resonating over the high-pitched squeals and er... highly-pitched HEELS. Yes our girls kicked off their stillettos and kicked arse just as impressive and even better than any anorexic over-paid and overrated 'Angel' could do. "Sylvia"... not at all wanting to be out-screamed, flung off her faux fur and launched herself 'full throttle' into the blurry haze of sequins and squeals. No offense Ang Lee but we had a Lee of our own, bitch :-)

While all this screaming madness was going on... I, the ever preggers and slightly loopy Eedz was having a screaming mad fit all on my own... As Eedz does not much more than give advice and get up the duff, I decided to have a go at finding the fillies their finery. And find it we did... with the solid guidance of professional costume creator and Titirangi Life Member Lynn Cottingham, Janelle's vision, support and helping hands plus our good friends at Playhouse Theatre I think we may have cracked it... and it made SUCH a difference to see all the ladies in their frocks frolicking around all lah-de-dah like. However I must say, this duel personality is rather challenging... I have enough in there as it is!!! It is AMAZING darlings how wrapping a wee fur around a fine-looking frock that sparkles as you clip-clop in your pumps across the stage can make the crassest of the lasses straighten their back and talk all posh-like (what do you mean am I referring to myself??? How rude!)

So sweeties... exciting, exciting stuff!!! We have been teasing you a little lately about putting some wee piccies up here for all to see... perhaps if you are very VERY good, and viral this delightful wee story out to your friends... we may just give you a sneaky peek... until then my pretties, I'll speak no evil, hear no evil and see no evil.

*air kisses!!*
Eedz xoxoxox

Forgive me darlings... but it is funny :-)

Well darlings all I can say is thank goodness we're not performing a naked burlesque caberet...it was very hard to say goodbye to the botty-burning warmth of the heater and head up to the wee concrete basement last night for rehearsal.

Pleasantly surprised however... it was cozy-as!!! The heaters were cranking and everyone was jolly, all wrapped up and warm with red noses, scarfs and winter woolies... just like Christmas Eve! Instead of the pitter patter of reindeer on the roof it was the chitter chatter like a barnyard of hens in the green room... we got growled at by BFG for being too loud... but we couldn't help it! Its so infectious! You clomp down the stairs to the theatre less than impressed that you arent home in your jarmies and slippers watching 'Kardashians and Geordie Shore' re-runs... and begrudgingly you walk into the room and suddenly there is this rush of energy... eyes twinkle, smiles flash and you're greeted like the arrival of a long lost friend by your play-school buddies. That's when you realise there is something quite special happening :-)

I had baby blues last night... not to give too much away but for some reason the connection between speaking English in an American accent, walking, sitting down, standing up and breastfeeding a plastic doll just didn't quite cement somehow??? Strange. Lord knows why, I mean crumbs... I'm sure all you delightful readers could do the above standing on your head while baking scones and ironing.

The disconnect continued later into the storyline when it seemed I was hit with altitude sickness and lost my power of speech one platform at a time. The higher I got up the stage, the less brain = speak functionality I possessed, resulting in this unusual hawty babble. It was a cross between an aged Southern Belle speaking in tongues and a Sunset Boulevard lady of the night battling the effects of the impending sunrise. Not pretty. But pretty funny.

See this is the point in the process where everything is flying ahead in leaps and bounds - lines are memorised and then forgotten in the blink of an eye, movements are refined like a sophisticated waltz through a scene... but one forgotten step turns it into some form of female mosh pit hip hop boogie... and you can't help but get the giggles... Why? Well... nerves perhaps? Embarrassment? Frustration? FEAR? All of the above my dears... all of the above. There is nothing worse than finding yourself plopped like a turd at a pee party in the middle of the stage during a scene with this wide-eyed 'possum-in-the-headlights' look on your face, whipping your head rapidly round the entire stage and mouthing "SHOULD I BE HERE? DO I GO SOMEWHERE? OH..FFF [insert f-bomb here] I FORGOT TO MOVE!!". So hard. You don't want to disrupt the scene but you think "Crap. If I DON'T move I might throw the whole scene out of whack... if I DO move I might... throw the whole scene out of whack". It's so, so WHACK dahlings. But it is funny :-) Forgivable and funny.

Very funny... there are so many delightful moments that are unearthed and discovered not only through rehearsal and deep meaningful discussions on character breakdown but also but the shear genius of accident - and that is the funniest of all... the purest of all and brings a natural reality to the story. I love those moments - where an actor really shines. Because instead of translating the written word and acting out a scenario to timed perfection... an honesty emerges... a connection that blends pretend with for real, and surreal into believable. The click. The penny dropping... a comfort zone. Like a little rest-stop along the disjointed highway of rehearsal... and you know that things are really gonna start cookin'...I love that feeling and I love it when I witness it :-)

There is a huge energy at the moment... driven by perhaps a little panic as is completely natural when its only a few weeks left till opening. But mostly because things are taking shape rapidly... characters are emerging, people are changing literally line by line, the strange metamorphisis from crass Westie solo Mum into Manhatten refinery is rather trippy - considering Eedz isn't really all that refined and in some buzzy way I can relate. There is a little part of me that remembers peer pressure and the power of the female ensemble - whether on stage or in daily life, 1930's, 80's or today. Dangerous, delightful, downright scary but addictive...

Speaking of addictions... I need chocolate and caffeine... so I'll catch you b*tches later... Always remember, whether you are immersed in the feminine folds of a coffee group, flirting your ass off at wine 'o' clock in Ponsnobby, or at 'De-vice' party sucking back 8% Woodies...its all fun and games until some chick gets pissed...so hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

Ta-tah!
Eedz
XOX

Highlighters, Pencils and Heels OH MY!

So the auditions were nailed. Excellent. Funniest thing... the nerves at an audition pale in comparision to those leading up to your first spoken line of your first rehearsal (totally idiotic I know, especially when I've clattered across that stage GAJILLIONS of times over the last couple of decades) True story though, my knees were knocking louder than the creaking of the boards. What a wuss!

So... who am I... well you fine folk can call me Eedz... I'm gonna attempt to give you a fly on the wall free perv into our creative world behind the scenes of Titirangi Theatre's production of "The Women". Top Secret of course... can't give too much away darlings...

Let's fast-forward the early stages of our very short rehearsal period where 'food miming' and 'pretend smoking' and 'tripping over non-existant furniture' rituals reign supreme. All the while holding on to the security blankie of your script for dear life... Those bits, the funny fumbly first few weeks are where you are allowed to be a gumby, giggle and drop character because you accidentally threw the 'F-Bomb' into a line while drawing a blank and wanted to cover up your embarrassment by getting a cheap laugh from your cast and crew mates. Sooo self-indulgent but so much fun...and thus, the bonding process begins :-)

You know what I really love about this play, and this cast 'n' crew of talent? Its that the characters we are all morphing into are so... 'surreal' that's its such a joy to smile and laugh and joke with the real peeps behind those "b*tches 'n' ho's" off the stage! :-) (Now please don't be offended... the director said we could say that - SHE DID TOO!). And these chicks we are portraying would SOO be called that if they appeared on Jeremy Kyle or Jerry Springer. Oh it is SCREAMING I tell you!!

Kudos to our freakin awesome Director, Janelle... she has to put up with our shenanagans... smack us around, shut us up, get us in shape, feeding us the vision, wrangling the troops around coughs, colds, hangovers, hangunders, divas and an array of obsticals which would have had a lesser person slamming doors and girlie running to the loony bin or drowning in Purple Goannas. All with the help of her trusty sidekick "The BFG" they are an amazing team to be reckonded with! BFG has been the only constant male presence at rehearsals... imagine having to breathe in all that oestrogen three times a week? G came on board fully prepped, trained for 6 months in hormone-to-hair-pulling combat and has settled into his producer role without the batting of an eyelash. Or maybe it was just his cunning ploy of 4 bags of lollies and 2 packs of choccy bickies? Hmmm...

We have the "J-J-T's" on board too... Janet, Jane and Trish. Jane tells us when we aint said it right, Janet is the goddess of "let there be light". Trish is the multi-tasking queen... production assistance and actress supreme.

Why poetry all of a sudden? Its coz I'm a chick and I can if I want to...so there.

Anyhoo... so here we all are, hard at rehearsal, negotiating our way around a card game that lost its trendyness when the Ark sank, catwalking around duct-tape furniture and imaginary Martini's dahhhhling and trying to avoid eating the candle cupcakes which LOOK SO REALLLL!!! When some amazingly talented set of wise-asses build an entire multi-story New York apartment on our stage! Oooh-err! THEN...all of a sudden it was.."heels on, books down, here's a REAL HANDBAG to use!" Crumbs! Its all a bit too much really... this funny aristocratic hauty world we are messing around with is evolving rapidly before our eyes... and its soo freakin EXCITING!

Ooops... I think I hear someone coming so I better gap it... until next time darlings... hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.......JUST BLOG IT!!!

Eedz
XOX

Read Through

First round of auditions and we have found our Sylvia, Peggy, Crystal and Miriam.  Now to find a Mary, Mrs Morehead, Olga, Countess De Lage, the list goes on. 

A total of 45 auditionees and 2 rounds later, we have a full cast!


Tuesday 19/07/2011 - Read Through

17 bodies, 13 cast 4 crew.  Exciting stuff!  Our read through brought many laughs, some oohs, some aahs.  We had moments where we had to stop briefly to contain ourselves!  If this is what our read through brings, just wait till we get them up on stage! 

Each woman already connecting extremely well with their characters and with each other.

Southern and New York accents flying around the room, sometimes within the same line.  Talk of gowns worn by high society flyers.  Cat fights, hair pulling, infidelity.  Oh you name it, we've got it all, sister!!!